The deets.

As promised, details!

I haven't mentioned this before, and I don't know why I haven't - it's not like I'm going to magically develop stalkers or anything - but EC and I are getting married in the Kansas City, Missouri area. And this is where it gets interesting.

My immediate family lives in Ohio, and my extended family (what little there is) lives in Ontario, Canada. EC's family (all of it, I think, not that there's much of his family either) lives in Texas. We currently live in Washington state, and the chances of us moving prior to the wedding are pretty good, depending on his job. So we figured, since we met in Kansas City, and both have a pretty good number of friends there, and our families were going to have to travel anyhow... why not just get married there? Having lived in KC for a good 9 years or so, I was pretty familiar with the available wedding venues, and the rest I could learn on the fly. So that's what happened.

We've got a trip back to KC planned for October, where we're going to take care of some wedding things (take our engagement photos, meet with our officiant, hopefully find a DJ, participate in a tasting at the caterer's) and some non-wedding things (an appointment with my doctor, hanging with friends), and then we head down to Texas to see EC's family for a bit. It's going to take a a whole week, and I can't wait!

So here's what we've arranged so far:

We are getting married at Powell Gardens, Kansas City's botanical gardens that are 20-30 minutes east of KC proper. The actual ceremony will be in their Marjorie Powell Allen Chapel, and the reception will be in their newly-constructed Missouri Star Barn. Which isn't really a barn, per se... it's more of a lean-to area that looks like a barn (the enclosed area of the barn is a gift shop and the kitchens). I can't really find any pictures of the barn just yet, but boy does Powell Gardens have a nice blog! OK, well, here's one, kind of. You'll be able to get a nice aerial view of the surrounding gardens from the silo, but the structure to the left of it is our barn. Yay!

[Stepping aside for a moment, the chapel was designed by architect Fay Jones, who was one of Frank Lloyd Wright's apprentices and was a Taliesin Fellow - and since we both like FLW, his gorgeous art glass is going to be what our invitation suite will be designed around.]

[Stepping aside again, I would have loved for our reception to be in a barn barn but couldn't really find one around town where they took care of everything - we would have had to find a caterer, which isn't so bad, but we also would have had to bring in tables, chairs, serviceware, everything, and we didn't want to mess with that.]

The other part of the wedding that I'm really excited about is our photographer. Now, way before EC proposed, I'd figured he was the one and was hoping he'd pop the question, so I'd been doing wedding research for a while by then. As a matter of fact, a friend of mine was getting married in October '08, so the year prior (a mere 6 or so months after we'd started dating), "in the interest of helping her out", I attended a workshop with her on How To Plan A Wedding Without Becoming A Bridezilla. The girl who presented the workshop was a recent bride, and she gave a number of resources on wedding vendors in the KC area. And I fell in love with her photographers. Unfortunately, she had booked them when they had just started out, and their prices had risen. A lot. Way beyond my budget. So I had to get creative, and poke around websites like the Knot and weddingwire.com and such looking for alternates.

You should have SEEN my initial list of potential photographers! And this was with me being picky! I wanted the look of the photographers I loved at a fraction of their cost. And still, my initial list was a huge spreadsheet that I think kind of scared EC when I first sent it to him. Of course, I started whittling it down, being ruthless in my standards and budget constraints, and came down to about 3 photographers. I met one, and liked her, but she was from out of town and was brand-new to the industry, and I didn't want to chance my forever memories of our wedding to still-developing photography. The second photographer I met, I adored. Loved her. She had a great eye, and a great look, and her price was within our budget, although just sliiiightly higher. I didn't care. I wanted her. So when Ted came to town, I scheduled another meeting so he could meet her, and that was it! We booked her as our photographer, and I couldn't be happier. Her name is Claire Ryser, and she is the owner of Visionaire Studios. Just look at her photos! I hope ours turn out even half as nice as the ones she's been taking lately. This will be interesting, because EC isn't a romantic kind of guy - he's more of a joker - so those photos where we're gazing lovingly into each other's eyes probably aren't happening. Haha.

These are the two biggies. Well, three, since with Powell Gardens we automatically get their caterer, Cafe Thyme. And you know I already have my dress. -es. Dresses, plural. Still have to sell the first one!

I think I'm going to cut things off here and continue later with the rest of our vendors, who actually are kind of friendors, really, since they're people we know who do these things either professionally or somewhat so. I still need to set up our wedding website, and we definitely have to start working on our guest list! But otherwise, I think we're pretty well set up, for being just under 9 months to go. Famous last words, eh?

Howdy, stranger.

I've been really remiss in updating this blog, because real life got in the way. As I mentioned in my last post, I was laid off from my job, and decided to move out to the West Coast. So I took just a little over 2 months to finish up my house to put it on the market (oy what a lot of work that was!) and have been here almost a month now.

EC came out for a week's visit during those 2 months and we actually managed to get a lot done for the wedding. We booked our photographer (the second one that I really liked), and booked our first choice of venue, a gorgeous botanical garden (I'm thrilled!). Not only that, but we have our officiant lined up (EC's youth pastor while he was growing up), a family friend will be doing our flowers for us, and a friend of mine is going to be making our cake. Since the ceremony and reception are going to be taking place in the same general location, we don't have to arrange transportation, and the caterer automatically comes with the venue. It's a little pricier this way, but I was going to have to make some sacrifices to have my semi-unique wedding. (so described because it's not a church wedding/hotel or banquet facility reception)

EC and I are wanting to keep things relatively simple, so our entire wedding party will be my sister as Maid of Honor and his best friend as his Best Man. That's it! Well, and his niece and my friend's daughter as flower girls. No ring bearer - I mean, come on, it's a pillow holding fake rings.

I'll get into specifics in another post.

So next up - coming up with a design for our invitations. I wanted to design them myself and have them printed at an Office Max or something, but I don't know Adobe Illustrator or InDesign at all. I might have to outsource this part of our invites, haha.

Oh, and trying to get in shape for our wedding and engagement photos. The photo session is coming up in 3 months when we come back to town for a short visit. There's nothing like important pictures to put a bee in your bonnet to get into shape!

Small bump in the road

I've been a little quiet lately - it's not because I haven't been doing anything. I've visited two possible venue sites (for both wedding and reception) and taken pictures for EC. I've met with one photographer, and will meet with another one next week. And in just over two weeks, EC will come to town and we'll book our venue! Exciting stuff.

The bump in the road, however, is the fact that I was laid off earlier this month. After some anger, I realized that maybe this is a blessing in disguise. Because not only did my mom say I should move out with her, but EC invited me as well. And sorry Mom, but I'm going to choose my fiance, especially since we'll have been in a long-distance relationship for almost 2 years by the time I move. That's like 1 year longer than I thought it might be, and I'm surprised we survived, haha. Not really, but it wasn't easy.

So I'll be moving out to the west coast at the end of May - but we're still getting married here in the Midwest. It'll just be a destination wedding for us, haha, as EC said. I don't think it'll affect the planning too much - the caterer comes with the venue, we've got our florist lined up (a family friend), and the cake won't be hard.. it might be hard finding a decent DJ though, and the hair/makeup trial will be interesting too.

But I'm excited! I finally get to be with my fiance! The fly in the ointment will be selling my house, but luckily my previous employer gave me a decent severance package so I'll be able to survive on unemployment and that for a while. Hopefully it sells quickly - it's going to be a crapshoot, what with this depressed real estate market. But that's OK - he's so worth it!

Newsflash!

I came to a realization this morning, and it's a biggie. You ready? OK.

Did you know that women? and men? sooooo don't think about weddings the same way.

Yes! I know! Really insightful, isn't it?

The conversation that prompted my new awareness happened last night between me and EC. We're still in the early stages of wedding planning, so a lot of my wedding talk has been of venues and photographers. Apparently, the ratio of everyday stuff to wedding stuff in my conversation lately is a little heavy on the latter. So I asked him whether I have started to annoy him with all my wedding talk. And he responded with something like, "Well yes, sometimes. Not right now, though."

Yow. When you're in a long-distance relationship, phone conversations are all that you have. Well, that, and email, too, really. And I've been all gung-ho on the planning because I'm all about options and possibilities and seeing how they might work out... and you know? Men really aren't that way. At least, not when it's about weddings, it seems. And I've been so focused on the different choices out there that they're all I can talk about, and annoying my fiance in the process. Go me.

I think it might be a little different if we were living together, and not long-distance. But still, I think every guy has some level of wedding blather that he can tolerate, and it's probably lower when your communication is limited to an email or two and about 45 minutes on the phone a day.

Well, lesson learned. I'm going to shut it for a while regarding the wedding. Really, it's not like I have anything new to say about it anyhow - until I can go out to these few sites and take pictures, and until EC can see them in person, we're kind of at a standstill. I'm sure he'll be relieved. I bet he's probably dreading his visit a little, though. Haha. Can't do much about that - site visits and photographer meetings have to be done, unless he wants to just go get a quickie courthouse wedding... and I really don't think I'll mention that because he just might go for it!

Thanks, Mother Nature!

Woohoo, my dress is in! I had an appointment this afternoon to go try it on before I take it home (since I've heard horror stories about David's Bridal about how the dress was either too small or too large or damaged somehow, and once you take it home, that's it, the only way they'll fix it is with pricey alterations or whatever. So you have to inspect it at the store before you take it home)... but we're being blanketed by a freak winter storm today.

It started with rain this morning, then moved onto my favorite - freezing rain, then it started sleeting, and now it's snowing heavily. This is just so WRONG! My friend who was going with me called me and said it'd take her 15 minutes just to get out of her subdivision, so I called and rescheduled my appointment for tomorrow. I just hope the roads are better by then. (Eek, I hope my rose bushes are OK too - I'd done the spring trimming last week already.)

At any rate, I've now narrowed my photographer list down to 3 candidates. There's one that's a better deal than the other two, but she lives about 3 hours away, so I have to hope that she's got an event here sometime in the near future so I can look at some complete weddings she's shot and make sure our visions and personalities mesh.

The venue search is going OK. There's one place that's far and away my favorite place (not the one I'd referred to in earlier posts - that one's out of the running) - it's a breathtaking venue, but it's a little pricey, and we'd be locked into using their caterer, who upcharges $8/person just to turn plasticware into china/glass/flatware. The only way we could make it fit is if we host a cocktail hour and then turn it into a cash bar. But if that option doesn't work, I've found a site at a local golf course that's less expensive. It doesn't have the same impact as my favorite site, but it's not a horrible alternate.

I'm still looking, though. Isn't this fun?? Haha. I'll be glad when these two things are locked down. To be honest, wedding planning is a little overwhelming, but I think I can handle it. I have a clear idea of what I want. The tricky part is executing it. But at least I have a vision, and that's half the battle! (The other half is getting EC's thoughts, haha.)

The Long-Distance Blues

Planning a wedding is never an easy thing. Unless you have the wherewithal to hire a wedding planner, which I don't. But planning a wedding while your fiance is across the country? Whoa momma. The silver lining to my cloud is that at least I live in the same city as the event. I couldn't imagine trying to plan a wedding being long-distance myself!

Anyhow, since I'm local, and am more familiar with certain aspects of the wedding scene than he is, I've sort of taken on the role of finding suitable locations and photographers (the only things we're working on right now, since they're the biggies). I build a spreadsheet listing things that we'd like for them to have, mark which venue/photographers have which options and as much cost information as I have so far, and send it to him to look at. However, since I kind of went gung ho during the research phase, those are pretty long lists. Again, I say, I feel sorry for my fiance. Haha. So right now I'm trying to go through them and cull them down, being merciless. This photographer is just too expensive. Snip. That venue would require us to set up and take down tables/chairs and charges a lot for rental on top of it. Chop!

But I think the hardest thing I've experienced so far is that we have to have all of our conversations by phone, where you can miss a lot of nuances that you otherwise have when you talk in person. Just tonight we had a misunderstanding where he said one thing, I heard another, and then got all drama queen on him complete with tears.
Which surprises the heck out of me, to be honest - I never thought I'd be one of those hystrionic kinds of girls. EC (my fiance - because typing 'my fiance' every single time I refer to him is ridiculous) asked me suspiciously, "Have you been watching those wedding shows lately?" I can only assume he means "Bridezillas," haha.

At any rate, while he was frustrated and I was teary, we eventually sorted things out. I mean, there are still basic things that are still up in the air (eg budget), but I think we're making progress. And really, it's in my best interest to whittle down these lists to just a few possibilities, because I "get" to drive out to these venues and take pictures to send back to EC to look at. Hm, 6 venues to visit vs 22? No contest.

Don't stop believing!

Picture it: a man stands in front of family and friends with his groomsmen and the officiant. A string ensemble plays a familiar tune.. wait, is it... Don't Stop Believing?

Yes it is, and you would be watching "The Wedding Singer."



Right now the wedding planning is more like... sorting and evaluating of options. But in the meantime, I think it would be totally COOL if I could have "Don't Stop Believing" played on the strings at my wedding. Funny thing is, I totally can, and I don't even have to shell out big bucks for a live string quartet!

Thanks, Vitamin String Quartet!

The only difference being - I won't leave my fiance standing at the altar. :)

My ooh-aah experience

I had my David's Bridal appointment this afternoon - immediately prior to it, however, I met a friend at an Indian restaurant for their lunch buffet. I would like to suggest to all other brides that perhaps they not follow my lead. Trying on corseted dresses while I'm *full* was not the smartest thing I've done in my life.

Anyhow, I thought this time, I would learn from my previous experience and be prepared!
Shower? check.
Friends to help me get into/out of the dresses? check.
Strapless bra? check.
Decent undies? check.
High heels? crap. Can't win 'em all, I guess.

So I met my 2 really good friends there (since my mom lives out of state) and I knew it was a bad sign when the parking lot was full. I walked in to find dress mayhem. You would not know that there's a recession going on by the inside of the David's Bridal this afternoon. There was a serious satin and tulle overload happening.

I checked in, and picked out a dress from the catalog so they could see what my size was (don't forget, the wedding industrial complex is an evil, evil machine and sizes the dresses small). Unfortunately, they didn't have it in my size, but I was welcome to try it on two sizes too small. Well! Haha. That certainly gives me a GREAT idea of what it'd really look like on me! Not.

Previous to my appointment, I'd gone online and selected a few dresses that I thought were pretty and reasonably-priced. I gave my list to the consultant and she came back with two dresses. Oh, and by the way - the dressing rooms at DB are TINY. Like, put a couple of poofy ballgowns in there and there wouldn't even be room for the bride! I put on the first dress in my list and waited while my friend helped me put it on. I walked out, and my friends were all "Oh, I LIKE this one." The consultant said she liked it on me, and she hadn't liked this particular dress on any other girl previously. (Or so she said - I mean, I don't know if those consultants work on commission or anything, but she probably would have said anything to get the sale. She was awfully quick to go get veils and headpieces to complete the look of my dresses - I guess when girls see themselves in the veil they get all mushy or something?) We took the requisite pictures, and I moved on to the next dress. And the next dress. And the next dress. I must have tried on six more dresses, and none of them were really picture-worthy.

Oh - and here's a little detour: I declared that I was going to have my hair down on my wedding day, because I wanted to look like *me* when I got married. 20 minutes at David's Bridal quickly disabused me of that notion - I couldn't find a hairclippie fast enough to get my hair off of my neck. No wonder the updo is so popular for weddings!

Getting back - so I tried on the first dress again, and put on a veil and headpiece, and walked out again. Women were telling me left and right that I looked really good in that dress. Oh! What to do! This dress was so much more me than the one I already have! And it was more expensive, but not by much, really. I finally decided, screw the $200 difference, I want this dress.

Hello, I am now a two-dress bride. Pleased ta meetcha. You need a bridal gown? I got one, cheap.

Dresses R Us

I really wish I had a wireless router, because I was sitting in bed the other night, head spinning from too many ideas, and I started composing this post that was really funny. Of course, can I remember it now? NO.

Anyhow, so.. my dress story!

I am an engineer by trade. I am also of the feminine gender. So combine the two, and you get a woman who likes girly stuff, but who is practical about it, it seems. I have never been one of those little girls who swanned about her house holding a pillowcase to the back of her head, pretending to be a bride. I have never thought about flowers, or colors, or my dress.

That is, until I realized that my then-boyfriend was "the one" and then I went all gung-ho on getting ideas and such. I read weddingbee and style me pretty and other wedding blogs... signed up on the knot so I could look at dresses (which was hilarious when I started getting stuff from vendors in the mail)... started compiling pictures of bouquets and dresses and invitation designs and centerpieces and hair ideas ad nauseum for when I really got engaged. But as for my dress? It turns out that I didn't need any of them.

I got engaged on Valentine's Day when I was out visiting my boyfriend... and it just so happened that the Sunday after I got back, there was a large bridal fair. It was fate! I had to go! So I asked a friend who loves everything wedding-related if she'd go with me and she, of course, agreed. At this fair, I found out that a local bridal shop was moving, and had put quite a number of its stock 30% to 70% off. I like me a good deal, so I made a mental note to go.

This should tell you what a bridal novice I am - I showed up with dirty hair, wearing a bra with straps, and some pretty sketchy underwear (NOT my best day - I swear, I really am a hygienic person!). I wandered over to the "plus size" section - by the way, I wear a 16, but that translates to an 18 or 20 in bridal gowns. Thanks, wedding industry, as if women aren't hyper-conscious about their sizes already - and chose 5 gowns that I would like to try on. Keeping to that whole "good deal" mindset, I also tried to choose gowns that were somewhat less expensive. They had stickers for $199, $499, $799, and $999, I think.

So I try on the first dress, and it's got short sleeves made of satin, with a chapel train, and a lace overlay that was cathedral length. It was really pretty - I liked the idea of trailing lace, and bustling it up would be easy-peasy. But holy hell, that satin was HOT! Next!

Oh yeah - and it was at this point that I realized why girls always bring their mothers or friends with them - it's because those dresses are near-impossible to zip up on your own. And if you get a lace-up gown? Fugeddaboudit.

So I tried on the second gown, which was gooorgeous. Again, lacy overlay with train, but sleeveless with a v-neck. The only problem being, the bodice didn't quite fit me right (I'm short-waisted with long legs) and I couldn't figure out what kind of bra I could wear with it, because it dipped pretty low in the back too. Going braless is NOT an option for me (see: size 16 above). While I thought it was pretty, the logistics kind of ruled it out. Next!

Which brings me to my third dress. It fit me well, I wouldn't have to make any alterations to it, and it was long enough to allow me to wear about 1.5-2" heels (which is good, considering I'm already 5'8" as it is). I didn't have that whole "Oh, this is the ONE!" crying moment... maybe I'm too practical, maybe it was because I was letting the budget overrule the possibility of a longer dress search... but it flattered my figure, and the price was right. I now have a gown hanging in a white bag in my guestroom closet!

However, since I can't completely give up the whole "trying on dresses with friends oohing and aahing" experience, I have an appointment with David's Bridal this weekend that I set up at the bridal show. Whaaat! I got a $50 coupon for making the appointment, and they're having their ubiquitous dress sale - who says I can't have my cheap dress and the oohs and aahs too?

Money money money money.... money!

Well I had the talk with my Dad this weekend about the budget. When I called a couple weeks ago to inform him of my engagement, he volunteered to help pay for the wedding. To which I personally say, thank goodness. I'm not quite as established as I would have wished to be at this point in my life, and the help is very much appreciated. At any rate, in order to set my budget, I had to get a number from him, which is always an awkward conversation. I love my Dad, but there's always been an undercurrent of tension in my family about money.

Then I had to make another slightly awkward call to my fiance, to report to him what my parents and I could contribute... his family has said to let them know what we need help with and they'd do it. Which is what my Dad had initially said, but you have to have a budget to determine scope. You can set any kind of scope for the wedding (see: "Rich Bride, Poor Bride") but you may not be able to afford the richer wedding.

So right now, the planning is at a standstill until we figure out how much we have to spend and where it'll be, which affects the sum total by a lot. (We've got one particular place in mind that would be so cool, but it's way pricier than any other alternative I've looked at so far. We're currently using inside contacts to see if we could negotiate on price a smidge.)

And personally? I like not doing any planning. I always do this - I get all excited about something and run around like a dog chasing its tail until I get tired. I think from here on out I'll be much calmer about the whole thing, haha. Well, at least until a month or so from the wedding date. Oh, but I do have my dress! Which deserves a post of its own, so... to be continued...

It's been... 3 weeks since I got the ring...

... and I've already managed to scare off one friend with my wedding blather. Go me!

I'm exaggerating, really - I called her in the midst of running errands, and she had to go into the car wash. Or so she said. At any rate, I do have one friend who's more than happy to discuss venue options and flower arrangements and all that other good planning stuff, so I'm happy.

But seriously, though. Last night I was pretty much over the whole wedding thing, and it'd been only 3 weeks since the proposal. It's my own fault, though. As soon as I could, I started contacting photographers to find out their rates, and investigating venues, because I needed to see what all was possible. But the problem was, we didn't have a budget set, and there are SO many options that depend on what the budget is, and I was driving myself nuts. Too many possibilities. Theoretically, you get a dollar amount, and work backwards from that. The suggested "50% for the reception", "10% for photography" (way too low, in my opinion - photography's important to me, because those photos are your memory... they're what you're going to have to look at years from now when you want to throttle your husband, to remind yourself of why you got married, haha), and so on. Small budget? Afternoon wedding with a tea and cake reception. Huge budget? I apply to be on "Platinum Weddings." (that's not an option, by the way.)

To make things worse, I'm making things more difficult for myself because I'd like to avoid the standard church wedding/hotel-or-banquet-hall reception. I'd love to be married outdoors. I would love a funky barn or loft space for the reception, and I'd love to be able to pick whomever I want to cater it - to pick a caterer that has a special meaning to me. Doing it my way means I'm going to have to rent linens, and maybe even serviceware, and having to juggle many contacts instead of one wedding coordinator at a hotel. Believe me, I'm sometimes tempted to throw my hands up and do a golf club wedding/reception.

(Ha! Listen to me - you'd think I was a jaded wedding planning veteran of months.)

But good news is on the horizon - I think we're close to setting a date and budget, and things should be much easier from here on out. I need to get the big ones taken care of now, and can wait on things like color schemes and flowers and invitation design. Knowing me, though, I won't be waiting for too long, haha. I do feel sorry for my fiance. Allll the time!

Woohoo!

Hi! Yes, this is another wedding blog. Like there aren't enough already, you know? But I needed a place to write down my thoughts and experiences, or my friends would lynch me before next May (which is when the wedding is likely to be) because all I can talk about lately is wedding stuff.

The title "30-Something Wedding" does NOT refer to my budget, as much as I wish this were true. No, both my fiance and I are in our mid-30's. First wedding for both of us, so we've got that going for us. Haha. What's going against us is that we're in a long-distance relationship... and it's quite possible that before the wedding happens, it might turn into long-distance planning. See, he's looking for a new job, and I may join him wherever he ends up, but we're still planning on having our wedding in this particular Midwest town where I currently reside.

So... I guess this is my introduction! I'm likely going to be posting this in thin air (aka - no readers) but that's not really the point of this blog. But if you are reading, say hi yourself!